Noise

Sometimes the gods go silent.
Sometimes the cards say nothing.
Sometimes the candles just burn.
Sometimes the mead runs dry.
Sometimes the molehills are mountains,
and the mountains won’t move.

Sometimes it’s all just static.
Sometimes anxiety or stress or depression gets the better of me.
Sometimes I’m too sick, too scared, or just too damned busy.
Sometimes even the everyday chatter of synchronicity
is drowned out by the litany of worries racing under my skin.
Sometimes I break down.

Sometimes I reach out blindly.
Sometimes I tell myself the same story again,
in the hopes that if I tell it well enough,
I can believe it’s true this time.
Sometimes I know the voice I hear is just my own,
trying to mimic Their voices in the echoing void.
Sometimes I don’t care.

Sometimes even believing isn’t seeing.
Sometimes I can’t sing through the tears.
Sometimes it’s all I can do to open my eyes.
Sometimes not even my dreams can comfort me.
Sometimes nothing I do is enough.

For me.

Sometimes the gods go silent.

No, that’s wrong.

Sometimes I can not hear the gods.

If something is wrong, fix it.
If everything is wrong, fix me.

–Ember–

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About EmberVoices

Ember Cooke has been a member of Hrafnar and Seidhjallr for more than a decade, where she trained to be a Seidhkona, Galdrakona, and Gythia. She founded the Vanic Conspiracy and made ordination vows to the Vanir and her congregation in the summer of 2013. She has contributed to several publications on Heathen and Northern Pagan subjects and regularly presents rituals and workshops at festivals. Her personal practice is more diverse, as the Vanir have lead her into cross-training and service for the wider Pagan community. This has including medium and servitor training in American Umbanda, clergy training with the Fellowship of the Spiral Path, and jail ministry for local counties. She holds a BA with honors in Religious Studies from Santa Clara University. Ember has lived all her life in the south San Francisco Bay Area, and is intimately bound to the valley of her birth.
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