Waking Up

Sometimes my legs fall asleep, from my numb toes all the way up to aching hips. The ache is dull, muted. Just uncomfortable enough for me to want to move.

But moving requires waking my legs up, and while I am acclimating to the difference, every nerve from my hips down is SCREAMING at me that something is VERY VERY WRONG. Numbness and dull ache have nothing on this screaming. My nerves don’t scream like that on the way down to numbness, why must they scream so on the way back up?

I don’t know, but if I don’t go through it, if I don’t put up with the pain of re-acclimating, I can’t WALK. I literally can not go forward. Even crawling would just induce the pain.

Change is like that. The dull numb ache of being in a bad place is barely bearable, but the pain of trying to make things better SCREAMS. It’s not that big a deal when we know it’ll be over in a few minutes, but when it just goes on and on and on, it often seems like the cure is worse than the disease.

Maybe it is. But the state of being past the curing phase is what we’re aiming for, and the only way to get there is to keep going.


About EmberVoices

Ember Cooke has been a member of Hrafnar and Seidhjallr for more than a decade, where she trained to be a Seidhkona, Galdrakona, and Gythia. She founded the Vanic Conspiracy and made ordination vows to the Vanir and her congregation in the summer of 2013. She has contributed to several publications on Heathen and Northern Pagan subjects and regularly presents rituals and workshops at festivals. Her personal practice is more diverse, as the Vanir have lead her into cross-training and service for the wider Pagan community. This has including medium and servitor training in American Umbanda, clergy training with the Fellowship of the Spiral Path, and jail ministry for local counties. She holds a BA with honors in Religious Studies from Santa Clara University. Ember has lived all her life in the south San Francisco Bay Area, and is intimately bound to the valley of her birth.
This entry was posted in Ministry, Mysteries, Personal, Praxis and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Waking Up

  1. Boneweaver (aka pjvj) says:

    Reblogged this on Lean in to Joy (transition priestess, spiritual midwife) and commented:


  2. Ugh. Spoken like a true double fixed sign. 😦 But I kow what you mean. *hugs*


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