Light So Shine

I’ve been wrestling for some time with how to write up the Finding Freyja ritual, and I think I just realized why: This is the first time I have offered a public ritual under my own name, led only by myself.

Sure, I have led workshops on my own occasionally. I have led countless private rituals on many scales, both on my own and with others. I’ve led public rituals on behalf of various groups, even some that draw hundreds of people. I’ve designed and performed weddings, memorials, initiations, and my own ordination ceremony, as well as less personally momentous devotional rituals of various kinds, of course. I’ve even traveled across the country, convincing a friend to come with me, to present an intensive ritual/workshop at a festival, which I hope to do more often henceforth, to the degree that I can afford it.

But I’ve never simply stood up, at a public event, by myself, under my own name and auspices, to just do what I do.

How crazy is that?

That’s not to say that Lon and Xochiquetzal weren’t both there to help me, but they did only what I gave them to do, and were not co-presenters in any sense. Even having friends in the background ready and willing to help in whatever way, it’s not the same as someone to defer to, someone to be in service to…

Someone to hide behind.

Every time I think I’ve stopped hiding I realize, no, I’m still hiding. Specific individuals I need will know who I am, and I can burst out from this fog of obscurity when someone else needs me to stand out for a while on their behalf. But on my own? Not so much.

I apparently find it impossible to believe the gods really need me.

Only I’m getting to a point where I actually need people in general to know who I am, not because I matter any more now than I did before, but because I can’t be a way for the gods to reach people if I have no reach, and the work They want me to do requires reaching people.

For years the gods – especially those whose domains include Fire – have admonished me not to hide so much, to let my Light So Shine.

Brighid, especially, has been emphatic about this, and has instructed me to learn a bit of blacksmithing for it. She and other gods of Poetry and Song have emphasized repeatedly that They will gladly inspire me if only I will share what They give me with others. I’m not supposed to be hiding away under a bushel.

I have some instructions and other ideas how to work on this, but all my solutions take energy I don’t seem to have, and help I don’t know how to ask for, not because I can’t ask for help when I know what I need, but because I don’t know what the help is that I need other than a general awareness that I’m not getting anywhere alone, and part of being alone feeds the hiding, which is counterproductive indeed.

Enough.

For today, my goal is just to stop hiding this little bit.

–Ember–

P.S. While I was searching for a suitable version of Light So Shine

I found this most excellent flash mob video which I think illustrates the point far better!

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About EmberVoices

Ember Cooke has been a member of Hrafnar and Seidhjallr for more than a decade, where she trained to be a Seidhkona, Galdrakona, and Gythia. She founded the Vanic Conspiracy and made ordination vows to the Vanir and her congregation in the summer of 2013. She has contributed to several publications on Heathen and Northern Pagan subjects and regularly presents rituals and workshops at festivals. Her personal practice is more diverse, as the Vanir have lead her into cross-training and service for the wider Pagan community. This has including medium and servitor training in American Umbanda, clergy training with the Fellowship of the Spiral Path, and jail ministry for local counties. She holds a BA with honors in Religious Studies from Santa Clara University. Ember has lived all her life in the south San Francisco Bay Area, and is intimately bound to the valley of her birth.
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6 Responses to Light So Shine

  1. Yep πŸ™‚ You can’t help do the Gods work if you have no reach. Also, I’m glad you’re working with Apollo! (or soon to be so). I think he’ll help.

    Like

  2. nicstoirm says:

    If it’s worth anything, I think you did a great job leading your own ritual and I thoroughly enjoyed it–more so than I thought I would. I think a huge part of it was your presence and your dedication to what you believe. So thank you for sharing what you shared πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lon Sarver says:

    *hugs*

    You deserve recognition for the work you do. Unfortunately, you can’t get it if no one knows you’re doing the work, yeah?

    Liked by 1 person

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