January of 2003, I got myself all ready and drove back up to Greyhaven for a Hrafnar ritual for the first time in months. The instructions had said that I should wear Odin’s colors, black, grey, and blue, particularly if I was willing to allow Him to ride me as a trance medium. I was emphatically NOT interested in this, and somehow read the instructions as saying that I must ONLY wear His colors IF I was willing. At that point in time my wardrobe was mostly black and green. Not wanting to wear so much as a scrap of black, I showed up to the event head-to-toe in green.
Do you ever feel like the gods are setting you up?
Throughout the ritual, gods and humans alike kept trying to address me as Lady, but when I seemed bewildered, everyone backpedaled, and nobody would tell me who they’d mistaken me for. Since Frigga had a medium present, I thought maybe it was Her, and went to talk to Frigga in the hopes of finding some clarity. She looked at me, kindly, seriously, and said what I’d been needing to hear for months – possibly all my life:
“You are welcome in my hall. There is room in Fensalir for everyone.”
“But Odin said…”
She didn’t care what Odin said. Her hall was not Odin’s hall, and in Her hall the rule was that everyone is welcome, and that absolutely included me. Did I understand?
It was the first time any spirit being had told me I was welcome somewhere, that I belonged somewhere.
It hit me almost as hard as Odin’s first penetrating stare.
At the end of the ritual, I found Diana and Lorrie, still Odin-drunk and exhausted, propped up against each other in the dining room. I asked Diana who I might have been mistaken for so many times during the ritual.
“Oh, it was probably Freyja,” she said, “You should carry Her at the Vanir devotional this May!”
“But I don’t know how?”
She waved to Lorrie sideways and said “You’ll teach her!” which Lorrie found just as daunting as I did.
“But it takes a year to go through the Trance Class!” Lorrie protested.
“She’s not really a beginner, she can skip to the second half.”
I hadn’t talked much to Diana directly up until this point, still being intimidated by her, so I have no idea how Diana knew what I did and didn’t know yet. In retrospect, I still don’t know how Diana knew. Maybe Laurel told her? I’m not sure what Laurel knew, for that matter. She was right, though, I had sufficient experience that I could indeed handle the crash-course. In fact, I thrived with it.
So I started hanging out with Lorrie whenever I had spare time, and she put me through the extant material that was the framework of Diana’s later books Trance-Portation and The Essential Guide to Possession, Depossession, and Divine Relationships.
4 months later, after intensive work with Lorrie and in Diana’s monthly Rune Class, I opened myself to carry Freyja for the first time at Hrafnar’s annual Vanir devotional.