In the Barrow

The seasons turn, the clock sets back, and I bleed.

Our Lord – my Lord – Freyr, enters the mound, sacrificed a tithe to Hel, for the winter, and as He descends, so do I.

The depression is a slow slide from mid-September, mind you, but with the time change, suddenly the sun sets an hour earlier, and the world makes less sense, and dresses feel weird, and I have to pick my battles a lot more carefully.

The things I need to do still happen, mind you, but the things I only want to do, not so much. There is still so much to do, and so little of me to go around. There’s always more. I’ll try to keep up. I’ll catch up with any fallen promises as I’m able, and pay the weregild for any I can’t keep.

Yesterday I bled for the Land, to help Her recover from the drought, to help Her absorb whatever water the stormy Child brings this winter. Today the sun set at 5:10pm. Next Saturday at 5:28am it will have been 37 years since I left my mother’s womb.

It just seems so dark right now. But the day is only a minute or two shorter than it was yesterday, I know. I’ll adjust.

Tomorrow I’ll hail my Ancestors.

Tonight, I’ll just rest in His cold arms, in the dark.


About EmberVoices

Ember Cooke has been a member of Hrafnar and Seidhjallr for more than a decade, where she trained to be a Seidhkona, Galdrakona, and Gythia. She founded the Vanic Conspiracy and made ordination vows to the Vanir and her congregation in the summer of 2013. She has contributed to several publications on Heathen and Northern Pagan subjects and regularly presents rituals and workshops at festivals. Her personal practice is more diverse, as the Vanir have lead her into cross-training and service for the wider Pagan community. This has including medium and servitor training in American Umbanda, clergy training with the Fellowship of the Spiral Path, and jail ministry for local counties. She holds a BA with honors in Religious Studies from Santa Clara University. Ember has lived all her life in the south San Francisco Bay Area, and is intimately bound to the valley of her birth.
This entry was posted in Ancestors, Gnosis, Land Spirit Work, Personal, Polytheistic Theology, Praxis, RedWood Vanatru, Ritual, Seasonal, ST4R, Vanatru and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to In the Barrow

  1. Reblogged this on Loki's Bruid and commented:
    Seasonal depression is a thing for me too. I mourn my Father. I miss Him.


    • EmberVoices says:

      Yep. It’s very hereditary in my case. Vanatru doesn’t make it any better – arguably it makes it worse, but that’s probably just a coincidence of it getting worse with age. But Vanatru absolutely does give me *context* that helps me cope better, and I value that highly.


      Liked by 1 person

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